A year since my Relationship breakup
12 months, 52 weeks or 365 days ish… So it’s a year (!!) Since my world fell apart…. and I experience my relationship breakup
Wow it’s hard to imagine it’s been that long. I’m just VERY happy and glad it’s not this time last year.
I left on 12th August 2016 and such a lot has happened in that time! I’ve almost had the firsts of everything I guess.
The first holiday, the first Christmas, Easter, Birthday and all those other things, big and small.
(Oh and it’s nearly a year of those horrendous Facebook memories that pop up on your time line and kill you everyday – I never figured out how to turn those bloody things off)
So how do I feel after my relationship breakup?
Oh that’s hard. To be honest I’m not sure….. bruised, tired, exhausted, changed. (My world fell apart, did it?) I’m not the same person that’s for sure.
I’m different, trying to figure out if that’s good or bad, is also hard. I have thought so so much, so much so that my brain is tired.
I have a very sad heart for what could have been. Deep down I still feel that this is so wrong. I think it’s fair to say the whole event traumatised me – yes it’s a strong word, but it was a strong reaction.
Trying to hang on for dear life.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, what one goes through strongly affects who we are and who we’re destined to become.
However one of my massive fears was of losing other relationships in the wake of our split, I am pleased to say, this didn’t happen and this makes me very happy.
It’s not the same obviously, but I still see those special people and often and always will.
In this life you can never say never, I’ve said that before. No one knows what’s round that next corner.
I’m certainly much further forward now
I’ve picked myself up, I’ve established a new life of sorts. A life that’s different, exciting and lovely in many ways I guess and at times also a tad lonely. But hey it’s only 12 little months.
I’m a deep person, I can’t just shrug stuff off, I’m an over-thinker. I have to slowly process, think things through and regulate my thoughts and then mull some more.
For sure I know I have done nothing to be ashamed off. I did NOTHING wrong – that in itself has taken me some time to come to terms with.
I’m comfortable with my reaction and my behaviour and I’m proud that I handled it with dignity.
At times I wished I’d gone ballistic, I wrote a lot of letters, but they never got sent.
And in a way I think that’s harder – kicking screaming like a banshie woman might have released some of that pent up anger and frustration.
But looking back I’m proud I didn’t. I got myself turned around – on my own! (well almost).
But still I have bad days and I was chatting with a male friend about this; sometimes it’s not the big stuff , it’s those small moments that sneak up on you, that catch you and you feel it in the pit of your stomach….
Sunday nights are still rubbish for me.
Being in certain places in London – that does it for me too, certain songs -all the usual stuff.
The future after a relationship breakup
I’m not madly in love with a new squeeze, but I have met a couple of lovely people and I feel a lot of love from a lot of different people.
I’ve had some really lovely times this past year, times that wouldn’t have happened I guess had this life change not happened. I’ve reconnected with the past too – oh yes I have 🙂 – and it feels so so good!
Getting used to being single is weird and acclimatisation takes a lot of time.
I went through a stage of deep anger, but I’ve also lost that too. The sort of anger where you want to physically shake the person in front of you.
I still feel it’s all very unjust and I still pray for Karma but not for who you might think. And I’m pleased to report I heard a little Karma hit already, sorry but it made me smile and it made me feel good. Is that bad?
I’m not a nasty person at all but you know people have to take responsibility for the things they do.
Why should they get off scot free??? My view – what goes around comes around…..
Friends?
So my Ex and I are still very good friends, some people seem to struggle with this? (A lot)
But do you know I really don’t. People say it’ll stop me moving on – I say this is not the case at all!
And it’s up to us to decide how it is. We grew up together and we have a lot of shared history. At the end of the day we were together for 23 years for a reason and that doesn’t just go away.
As long as I’m ok with that then it’s my choice.
For quite a while I wondered if that last 23 years of my life were wasted and this really upset me, it kept me awake at night and I shed a lot of tears behind closed doors.
Then I realised slowly that actually I wouldn’t have missed those times for the world, they were the BEST and nothing or no one can steal those.
In that time I met people who mean the absolute world to me and those people will ALWAYS be in my life, that I know.
Comfort after my world fell apart
My wonderful family, my darling loyal friends and my blog Easypeasylemonsqueezy have been my saviour.
At times I do not know what I would have done without them. I’m not that sure I’d be here without sounding too dramatic.
The break up was very traumatic and painful for me. I have some dear dear friends in my life I am blessed (3 of them are called Jane – collectively me’janes) who have held me up and made me smile.
They have celebrated and cried with me. Those are the people who count!
Excitement?
So today 12 months on I feel alive, I feel excited, I feel wanted. I enjoy dating (sometimes) but I know it’ll be a long time until I settle again. (Well I imagine so anyway).
The feelings of being completely at ease with someone – you know that ‘normal’ feeling, I now realise this may take a very long time for me.
I’ve also been thinking again about how short life is and I think I can see myself with someone again. I think I have one last relationship in me 🙂 50 -70 perhaps …… who knows?!
When I think about it I have laughed a lot this year and I’ve had some great great times.
My 50th was a blast (still is) and I wasn’t looking forward to this half century without my ex – however I really did have the most amazing time.
So again something to learn …. good times can roll even when you think they might not!
Life after a relationship breakup
My dating exploits have been quite hilarious and they continue to be! My friend and I have and are often literally doubled over laughing – so hard! Laughing until we cried! (Hannah)
Interestingly I laugh a lot now?
I live in my dream house albeit alone but I’ve finally found my home at last. It’s been very important for me to feel comfortable, I’m cancerian and I’m loving making it my own and sitting in the garden with friends and entertaining.
Moving 10 miles away had it’s challenges, a place where I knew very few people.
I now have lovely friends and neighbours and my home is coming along just fine, I’m truly happy there! Joy!
(Plans are in for an EPLS Kitchen extension!)
Time
Time supposedly heals all wounds, but sometimes wounds leave scars as my lovely friend told me. When I look back on the past, it still hurts.
Looking back forces you to relive what happened. It’s like rewatching the sad part of a movie: Even though you’ve already seen it and know what’s going to happen, it can still leave you very sad.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, what we go through strongly affects who we are and who we’re destined to become.
Occasionally I hear or am told I ‘should have moved on by now’ or that ‘there are plenty fish in the sea,’ or that ‘Time heals all wounds’ – easy words and a lot of truth there.
BUT life is complex and intricate and these sweeping statements don’t help all the time, really they don’t.
Those who have been there or are there will know, those who haven’t don’t quite understand when a life falls apart.
Forward
So we move forward. (the only thing one can do) But going forward means coming from somewhere, and that somewhere stays with us even if we have already physically left.
So to the next 12 months – quite an adventure ahead I feel… both for me and definitely for Easypeasylemonsqueezy – my blog, my saviour <3
So it’s a year (!!) Since my relationship breakup …. and here I am
And to those who wonder why I write these posts.
It’s basically to connect to people who have been there, or who are there and to articulate these feelings and to share – because once it’s down on paper it feels somehow processed.
Please drop me a comment – I do so love to hear from you guys
This may well be my last Relationship Breakup post – maybe Cx My world fell apart – really in did
And if you’re wondering what all this is about reading my first ever relationship post Affairs of the Heart might help
Also Finding Life Balance is an interesting read
and you might have a giggle at my Dating after breakup (& at 50!)
Love as always Cx
Lisa
Good on you Clare – life is here to be lived and it’s so great to see that you are so determined to do that. You will meet somebody but only when you’re ready – at there is no time scales involved – instead just go about your everyday life and enjoy every precious second of it xoxoxo
Amanda falconer
Stand proud lovely lady …Emotive read .. ?
Those who make passing comments
“You should have moved on by now”
“Plenty more fish”
Remember it’s only a comment .. don’t give it any weight
any time of thought ..
Keep all the precious time ahead for you ..
I’ve been there and reflect happily back BUT now run forward
Adèle
Eloquent, moving, revealing, expressive, sensitive and a.. and depth of feeling that we all need to be reminded and aware that people have/are/will go through this traumatic experience of a relationship breakdown
Abigale NR
Just read this blog and then lots of your others too, you are so inspirational! Love your style and your attitude. You are so right, no one knows what’s around the corner and I sometimes find myself worrying about a load of situations that may or may not happen in my future but actually reading this makes me feel so optimistic about life in general. So, for whatever is around that corner, you’ve taught me that with the right mind-set there is always hope! I shall always bear this in mind! Thank you x I’m so pleased to have had that little read ! Good luck with everything, you seem like a wonderful person and I feel like from reading your blogs I already know you xx
Clare x
Thank you – what lovely words – it makes all this worthwhile – just keep on being fabulous – it’s all we can do x
A fellow sailor in the ship of 12 months since life crashed
My sister recommended your blog to me, shortly after your first break up post as I was struggling through the same situation. It’s been heartwarming to read about your progress and although I don’t feel I have moved on as much as you, I have walked a long way down the road of recovery. I have crawled some of it, I have to admit, and I have been known to partake in the odd skip, but I still have a way to go! Twelve months is a short time when you have been together for decades but, like you, I have survived the ‘firsts’ and cried at the Facebook memories. My friends and family have kept me sane (and possibly out of prison 😉 ). Thank you for your blog, thank you for your honesty and thank you for your bravery. The recipes are great too!!! Good luck to you xxx
Clare x
Oh lovely – I have good times – really good times. BUT like you say 12 months is nothing xxx good luck and keep in touch x
Tracey britten
I absolutely love reading your blogs! I love you! I love that you are so honest and share with us your life as well as your brilliant cooking! I can’t wait to see you again! It’s been too long. And I am mostly excited about your eps kitchen! Omg! You know me now – keep going, keep smiling, keep looking forward and most of all keep focused on all the good stuff happening – even when life around us seems bad it can still be so good xxxxxx
Jules
Have been following this story as it follows mine almost to the same timeline – my ‘surprise’ break up came last June, totally out of the blue, from who I thought was my lifetime partner. Like you I have questioned myself (although again totally not my doing/decision) I have had black moments, I have had laughter, I have had deep, sobbing tears. I haven’t quite got to the braving dating again yet, but am beginning to feel perhaps I am ready (although you do permanently think, was I wrong, did I do something wrong – although assured not). I am also friends with my ex – which other people have struggled with and have said will ruin me but like you, it’s how I want to deal with it and if at some point it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable then I will change that. And the waiting for Karma….I hear you and have also had a few smug smiles on my face. So I wish you well ..us well….and hope as we are promised we will learn from these life experiences but enjoy the wonderful memories we have. Stay strong lovely lady.
Clare x
WE will learn darling! Now get out there and shine x
Vicky
I’m there at the moment too!! I’m so glad i read your blog as it’s helped me understand things a little better. I too get on with my ex (there are 3 kids involved) to which this helps them enormously. As you say other people seem to have a problem with this but for now it works. People think that we’re getting on so we must be getting back together! This is not the case. My life has changed enormously this year and i’m enjoying every minute of it. The kids have settled and our home is a relaxed atmosphere. Like you, I’m looking forward to the next chapter! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and i hope your ’50-70′ journey is full of happiness and good health. Xx
Clare x
I’m so so please to hear that – as I said before – just keep on being fabulous xxx