End 2017
Squeezing lemons – dating after breakup (& at 50!)
So this is the one I’ve been thinking about writing for a while – should I write it, shouldn’t I? Mmmmm it’s difficult, it’s funny and it’s also a tad sad, so I thought hey why not….dating after breakup 🙂
I am indeed a blogger? This is my choice. So here goes – Squeezing lemons dating post breakup!
Again I won’t share the details but just the general theme.
So it occurred to me at the beginning of the year that I needed to meet new people. And by people, I mean men. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not focussing on finding a man – I’m focusing on finding my new life!
Steps
I’ve made amazing steps forward with friends, family, blog, work and generally having a good time and loving it.
But you know to share that with someone special (a partner in crime) again this decade ( 🙂 )
Would be nice and I know no one is going to knock on my door, so my decision was try and see what happens….. gently (I have a lot of love to give to the right person)
So let’s get one thing straight before we start.
Being single at 50 is actually ok, it’s different after 23 years ‘coupled – happily’ but it’s ok!
For those that say ‘oh you won’t meet anyone‘ or ‘oh that’s a difficult age to be single etc‘ then slip you that sorry, sad, pathetic look – well quite frankly, that’s total rubbish and they should do one!!
In my limited experience there are ALOT of single people in midlife………
Dating post break-up
So what’s it like dating post breakup? How is it?
Well it’s bloody exciting for one, bloody great fun, you get a sense of being totally alive.
But it’s a roller-coaster and you have to pick your times for it.
It’s also flipping difficult trying to weave your way through all the boll**k’s and its draining and exhausting……. all of these things.
Dating at 50 is scary stuff!
In some ways dating makes your whole world open up – it’s like shopping for sweets!
Should I choose this, should I try that flavour, oh there’s a new kind of sparkly red candy there – when actually it turns out to be a sour worm.
You get the drift yes???
I think timing really is key. I started dating a little at the beginning of the year – when I wasn’t, it would seem, actually ready but I needed a distraction (like really needed it).
It was awful sometimes, but ok other times.
And even if I wasn’t that enamoured by the guy it was good to be wanted, to feel attractive again – ok let’s be honest – to be desired again.
That in itself helps with ones confidence.
I’m not ready to share my dating stories but I’ll give you one at least:
I’ve had a guy crash his car in the car park coming to meet me for a coffee – I felt so bloody sorry for him that I had a second cup – lol and then disappeared – bad day for him.
There are some nutters out there, but there are also some very sweet and wonderful guys – two of the guys I’ve had a date with are now my true friends – that I like!
Next
I often shout NEXT to my fellow dating warriors (there are a lot of us out there).
When I hear a story about how the guy let her down etc! But the question – just how long is the line? How long do we shout NEXT for – before we stick?!
And sometimes I just think – sod this and I stop for a while…
To get a text message in the morning saying ‘hello gorgeous’ really is totally lovely!
And boy I’ve laughed so much at my own exploits, at my fellow DW exploits. I’ve laughed so hard that I’ve almost peeed my pants.
When did it become ok to receive THOSE pics (just out of the blue), you know the ones lol!! *presses block*
I’m thinking of collating them and making my own Christmas cards, you know with christmas hats on? – guys seriously they are not that attractive…..
One morning I actually dropped my coffee and it totally put me off my breakfast! lol!
So dating midlife is dramatically different than in your 20’s, we all have our own ‘stuff’ to deal with (I hate the word baggage) but you know what I mean.
Players
There are some players out there who think they are something special, when they are not and there are some guys who just want someone to wash their socks and make them dinner (Clare runs in the opposite direction).
And clearly the married ones, the ones that say – oh my wife doesn’t understand me, righty oh! Do one….. ‘Oh but can’t we have an affair and see?’ – well no actually we can’t….. (but what if they just happen to be the right one??)
And then a ‘PRINCE’ arrives – or so it seems?! Ha!.
You get all excited about being part of a couple, about planning weekends etc and feeling a tad smug with your exciting ‘new’ squeeze and all that goes with that.
And then, hey inevitably, it goes pear shaped and you hit the floor (again).
With that you are thrown back to thinking about what you’ve lost (originally) and harp back to the ex…….. 🙁
So see the issues? Putting yourself out there, putting yourself in that sweet ‘shop’ has it’s dangers.
Dangers of dragging you back to feelings you thought you were almost over….. Nah!
Date ready post breakup
So I’ve got a wardrobe full of ‘Date’ clothes. My nails are often painted and I’m buffed within an inch of my life – most of the time 🙂
My diary is full …. my weekends are planned and my outfits chosen….. I think one refocuses on oneself…. maybe not such a bad thing…
Priorities change for sure and adventures begin……. but then the ‘ageing singletons’ often spend Sunday nights alone on the sofa……..
Looks like I may need to keep squeezing lemons for a while 🙂 if I can find my squeezer and if I can be bothered …… no rush tho’
So does this ring any bells? Are you dating? Shocked? Dating post breakup?
Come on I love your comments
Thanks Cx
And please remember I only ever try to be REAL!
(And after my ‘wobble’ re blogging – And in answer to why do I blog, just to be clear? Because I can, because I want to, because it’s my life and I choose what I do with it? I check my posts through people I TRUST to make sure they are ok – I’m comfortable with that. I do not share everything – trust me…..
If I can help one person in my position, help anyone think about things – then that’s enough for me, it’s that simple. If you don’t like it – anyone out there – simply don’t read it – you really don’t have to, I won’t be offended?)
And if you are wondering where all this started then maybe catch my first ever relationship post Affairs of the Heart
It might all make a tad more sense – dating post breakup!
I think you might enjoy another of my posts Moving Forward – have a read and I hope you enjoy
And maybe How are you coping? too
Honest Mum
Oh gosh, those pics-I get them on instagram and twitter messengers and I’m not single. Vile! It’s normal to wobble at times, we all do. What matters is taking a short break to breathe then getting back on the saddle. Your blogs are brilliant, you made me laugh and moved me in one piece. You will meet your prince but you know yourself more than ever too and won’t settle. Keep being amazing x
Anna
Spot on! You hit the nail on the head Clare.
And…oh heck yes!! All the bells are ringing just like on Easter Sunday at my hometown! ???? xx
Hang in there girl. True, you might end up squeezing lemons for a while but it’s worth it in the end. And, if you never find the right one, you would have trained your arms to fight off nutters or better still to have a stronger hold for ‘the one’. Hugs xxx
Chris
What would a chap have to do to be removed from your friend zone and become your actual other half? (I’m asking for a friend, obvs). X
Clare x
Oh who’s the friend 🙂 xxx *blushes*
Sally
You’re braver than me!! Still hoping to bump into Mr Right while shoppping in Waitrose. Xx good on you
Paul Yates
O Clare! ❤️
You have to be the most genuine person and please don’t ever stop being you and what you love doing! Enjoying life, blogging and cooking ? You do an amazing job of all three!
It is a pleasure and an honour to have you as a BFF and I adore your passion for life, your honesty, your openness and for letting your sticky taped heart express exactly what everyone wants to say but doesn’t have the balls to do so … that’s a mighty fine pair of balls Clare ??
Several people have mentioned about your wobble and should I or shouldn’t I … and Clare … YES YOU DAMN WELL SHOULD !! What was it you you’ve always said to me ?
Ali Duke
Oh those pics! I am glad I don’t have to deal with them lol.
#Brillblogposts
Christine
I found love again at 61, we may and married within 12 months. He is 16 years younger than me and he is my soulmate. Don’t ever give up there’s someone out there for you. ❤
Jane Francis
Oi Mrs don’t you dare stop blogging , we love your recipes, menus, gorgeous smile, wicked writing, you speak from the heart & your an inspiration, so for those that don’t appreciate what you do *** **. , I for one love it..
Now for the rant… I am a woman of a certain age ( was gonna say lady but you might pysl) who has also tried the dating game, OMG I feel like I’m in I’m a Celebrity get me out of here, let’s see how many trials we have to do before we are pronounced the winner only then to be told , sorry mistake, can we do a re-run lol
Let’s face it girls men are *****, if you act like a di*k, talk like a di*k, think with your di*k , your a di*k & no red santas hat can change that… occasionally a di*k will come along who promises love, kindness, patience ,shows a bit of passion,